Hello and welcome back!
I have worked with several brides and their moms over the last 8 years, and there is always some difference of opinion with what the bride wants and what mom wants. As a Planner, it is my job to hear both of their visions, but ultimately, it is the bride’s day so it is important that her wish’s and vision happen.
This is a hard position to be in sometimes, especially if the bride or groom’s parents are paying for most of the wedding. They want to have a say in some of the decisions, and they may not all agree on what the other wants.
My advice to couples is to kindly talk with the parents and remind them that this is their wedding and they want it to reflect them. I do advise the couple to consider something they don’t mind including that is important to mom or dad to make them happy.
I have often wondered if I would be the same way once my daughter was engaged. I would like to think that I would not try to plan the wedding of “my” dreams for her and that I will just enjoy the ride.
I want to share a bit of what has been going on in my life these last few months. My daughter became engaged last year and will be getting married this October (yay!) So, it is MY turn to be the Mother of the Bride!
She is my only daughter and while I have worked with several brides over the last 8 years, this is different. About a day after she got engaged my “mom” vibe kicked in and I starting thinking of all the things I envisioned for her wedding day. I found myself struggling to follow my own advice.
It is easy for me to give advice to couples and their parents because my focus is to make sure the couple’s vision is carried out; not the parents. Well, now I am the Mother of the Bride and I get it! Like most mom’s, I have ideas and visions of what my kids’ wedding day would be like. I have dreamt of her wedding day since she was seven years old and I saw her in her 1st Communion dress walking down the aisle to the altar .
When she got engaged, I was so excited and I could not wait to start planning the wedding I always envisioned for her. I immediately started looking up venues, dresses, décor ideas, I sent her my Wedding Planning Guide and updated the guest list (yes, I created a guest list about 5 years ago).
Crazy right? I am not like this, after all, I’m a professional! But this is different, this is MY only daughter and I want it to be perfect! I was on the fast track to becoming “momzilla”. Thankfully, I quickly recognized it and took a step back.
I’m not going to lie, there are a few things that are important to me that I would love for her to incorporate, but I have to remind myself that my vision and plan for her wedding is MY plan and it may not be hers. She has her own style and vision and I need to do my best to listen to what she wants and see HER vision.
This is a different role for me, one that I am still adjusting to, so I need to try my best to follow my own advice.
This is a special time that my daughter and I will share only once in our life together, so I need to do my best to be “mom” first and “planner” second or even third. I need to take this journey with her and not for her. It will be hard for me, but I need to keep myself in check and I know if I go a little crazy, she will definitely let me know.
After all, the wedding last only a day but marriage is forever, so my role as her mom is to help prepare her for a long and happy marriage. I have so many different emotions every time I picture her walking down the aisle and becoming a wife, it is hard to put into words.
So, whose wedding is it anyway? It’s hers and I will do my best to help make it about her vision and not mine, but I can’t guarantee that I still won’t drive her a little crazy at times.
I hired a Coordinator to help with the wedding day because I know how important it is for me to be her mom and not her Coordinator. Shout out to Stacy @ Sylver Wedding & Events who I know is going to make sure everything is perfect so that I can enjoy this very special day just being mom…
I will share my journey as Mother of the Bride in future blogs, so be sure to follow along. It will be interesting to see how much of my own advice I follow.
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Until next time….Happy Planning!